I have done so much thinking about God lately. Inhabiting my prayers are petitions for God to decimate strongholds and for the crucifixion of my flesh to create such discomfort, that the cross I take up is not just a wall decoration, but the holiness of God evident on every surface and in every space of my heart, life and home. 

Whatever stands up against the knowledge of God, the truth, Jesus—I want it to go. All of it. I want His light to shine in the darkest corners of my heart, though it may painfully expose firmly held deceptions. 

And I know theology is important and I’ll study it, but I just want to have a relationship with God. That’s all. I tend to find theological debates a thing of weariness, but if wading through theology is what it takes to get to know the real Christ, I will aim to master it according to the grace extended to me from the Giver of life and truth. 

Whether I’m navigating through areas where I need to grow or theological tensions unresolved, I can’t help but become more convinced of this…

That it is not through the church that I belong to Jesus, but it is through Jesus I belong to the church. Yes, the church sowed the seeds that brought me to Jesus and is an edifying force, but if I spent all my time with the church and none alone with God, then how can I really bless and serve the body of Christ—the church and Jesus?

I just want to be near Jesus and live in the Spirit. I just want the simple truth. A willing heart. A teachable attitude. The faith of Jesus. The love of God. 

Finally, all this has led me to conclude I think I have spent enough time seeking the church to be served, and with so much yet to learn, right now I am learning it is by far a greater approach to seek Jesus, that I might serve Him, love His church and reach others with the Gospel, instead of deferring too much responsibility to the church for my relationship with God. 

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